Another option. 

 “Don’t drink alcohol with it. You can die.” 

They should really think twice about how they phrase things. It was a new prescription so I had no idea. A simple “don’t drink” would’ve sufficed. 

Thank you, friendly neighborhood pharmacist.  

Preparations. 

I’m buying boxes today. I don’t want my family to have to deal with packing my place. It’ll be good to get rid of stuff. 

I need to check my insurance policy to make sure there’s enough money for burial and whatnot.  

I also need to make sure that they won’t be responsible for student loan debt or the small amounts on my credit card. 

Luckily my lease is up in a few months so I’ll have time to pack and get ready. 

10,000 Maniacs

I’m going to leave this behind. The author beautifully stated everything I cannot say or that people don’t want to hear. More of the latter usually.

Missus Fissure

How many times in your life have you felt out of control? I’m not talking party animal, too drunk to function, throw up in the Arby’s bathroom, I’m talking about your brain operating so fast that you can’t make heads or tails of anything that you’re thinking. For some people, bipolar is a mixture of depression and mania. I am one of those people. I have experienced depression as well as manic depression, or a mixed-state, but never true mania without the depressive undertones. You would think that being a mixture of manic and depressive could lead to a balance of sorts, because one should even out the other. This however, is not the case. Manic depression is terrifying because your wheels are turning at an incomprehensible speed, and you are powerless to stop them. The thoughts and feelings I have are almost never productive or helpful, and it is…

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im ready

  
I was supposed to get a Phd today. It was the only thing I had left 

Instead, my mom is dead, I’m in a job I hate and I want to die. I’m almost 40. I’m alone and I can’t keep trying things that won’t work

If anyon is interested in doing this together message me. There’s comfort in not having to die alone

Disappointment

He perfectly captured how I feel.

Poetry From The Loft

I am not what I wanted to be,
Disappointment.
I am not what I wanted to see,
Disappointment.

Shackled in a life of poverty,
Disappointment.
Living and dying respectively,
Disappointment.

Wasting a life unexpectedly,
Disappointment.
Life is a song of tragedy,
Disappointment.

Come take a walk with me,
Disappointment.
Come see the life I see,
Disappointment.

A poem by: Garry Ventura

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Anhedonia

I started taking some meds. I can’t see a way out. At all. 
The Dr said it might take a month to kick in. I don’t think my life is worth saving. I don’t care. I just want it to be over. 

When the weather looks how you feel

Putting off tomorrow.

“You see, once you get through the worst part of a trauma, once you realize it won’t actually kill you, once you realize that you still care enough to pick yourself up and keep on living, you become capable of experiencing profound joy.”

I’m not on the other side and I don’t know if I’ll every find that joy she speaks of. That’s what makes me scared to wake up tomorrow. I don’t want to be sad, but I have no idea how to find joy.

Thinking of suicide? Read me

Amazing article.

takingthemaskoff

“You see the giant and the shepherd in the valley and Elah and your eye is drawn to the man with the sword and shield and the glittering armor. But so much of what is beautiful and valuable in the world comes from the shepherd, who has more strength and purpose than we can ever imagine.”

 -Malcolm Gladwell

 

image

I survived a suicide attempt, spent years in rehab centers, jails, psych hospitals. Now I have worked as a staff, and at times as a supervisor at these type of facilities.

However my friend, he did not. This is what suicide looks like. This is him after hanging himself, right before he died. February 25th 2010.

 

The difference between us is nothing except our resources. He grew up in rough environment, by that I mean school, neighborhood, friends, and life experiences.

I try to preach getting to know each patient…

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past two weekends

weekend_update5.10

week 1 growth | Sip in Raleigh | birthday celebration | the budget #PleaseShootMe | food trucks | the coolest invention for kids | art exhibits | duke’s documentary center | week 2 growth

Not pictured: Saladelia’s Cafe (great place). Getting locked out of apartment (in the same way I did 2 years ago…sigh). But I did get back in time to meet up with my friends at Saladelia, so all was well.