I just started a grief support group this week at church. I know: I seem like the last person who should set foot in a church, lest it come crumbling down at my feet. I’ve become so bitter and hard since my mom died. She’s the one person who I felt loved me for me. I was enough, just as I was. I don’t even feel that way about God. She died just before (hours) my birthday and I felt like that confirmed his dislike for me.
However, I need to deal with her death. I thought I had, but there’s still so much anger regarding the circumstances before and after she died that it’s spilled over into every other part of my life. I’m also become a quasi-hermit who happens to have a full time job. The first group session was hard, but I kept it together for the most part. I’m also going to try private counseling session.
I’m also getting a gun permit in case it doesn’t work. I’ve run out of options and I can’t live like this for another 30+ years.