malaika firth (2)

I have an appointment at a weight loss clinic this afternoon. They’ll probably prescribe me phen and topiramate; my BMI is just under 30. I had lost 40 lbs but I’ve gained about 20 back. It’s easier to feel unwanted when you’re ugly than when you’re trying your best not to be. However, my weight was the only positive thing I had in my life. I want something to feel good about again. Pills should make it easier, too.

This time I know that I’m the only one who will care. I don’t expect men will notice. I’ll still be ignored, won’t get asked out and be alone. This is just for me. It’d be nice to fine an online support community, though.

If I work really hard, maybe I’ll look like this woman, in nine months. I just want to feel skinny for once. I want to look as invisible as I feel.

me, myself & ana

malaika firth street2 malaika firth street4 malaika firth street5 malaika firth street7

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